I love the person you are
by whiterhino
Summary: Jason and Bart trying to sort themselves out . . . chapter 4 actually there now!
1. Chapter 1

Sinead brushed a tear from her face and stared into the fountain, the cold October air cut into her skin but she didn't care. Pulling her jacket tighter around her she closed her eyes, god she'd been stupid. Jason spotted her sitting hunched up on the low wall but quickly averted his gaze and continued on his way home but only managed a few more steps before he stopped.

"Sinead, are you ok?" She flinched and looked up.

"Jase." great, just exactly the person she wanted to see. Not. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." she hurriedly brushed her hand across her face and smiled unconvincingly.

"What's happened?" Jason asked, hoping that he wasn't going to be dragged into more Sinead and Bart drama.

"I overheard Maddie talking to Gaz. He'd obviously been hitting on her and she was all like no I'm sure Sinead's more your type." she paused and took a deep breath, " But Gaz was like nah she's boring and that he preferred blondes blah blah blah and Maddie just laughed at him and said that he was lucky even to get me and that I was only going out with him cause she'd _told_ me to."

"What?" Jason frowned at her.

"Basically, Maddie has been pushing me onto Gaz so that she can get back with Bart."

"Woah." Jason sighed slowly and sank down next to Sinead. "That's pretty extreme."

"I know! What a bitch!"

"Well . . . You didn't have to go out with him . . ."

"I know." Sinead smiled and shook her head. "I know, I've been so stupid. I just, I just thought that . . ."

"What?"

"I just thought that she was my friend and I really needed one after . . . What happened."

"Mmmmmm" Jason pursed his lips. "You don't need to tell me about needing friends." he said, staring at the water. Sinead bit her lip and looked up at him.

"Jase, I'm sorry. Y'know, for everything." Jason shrugged.

"I guess I'm sorry too, it was all such a mess I just want to forget it ever happened. They lapsed into silence for a few moments before he turned back to meet her eyes.

"What did you say to Maddie then?" Sinead flushed slightly and looked down at her hands.

"I got a bit raging."

"No! You? I'm shocked." Jason laughed.

"Hey! Anyway I just kind of told her she was a bitch and stuff to be honest I can't remember I was sooo mad! Then she was all oh by this time tomorrow me and Bart will be back on like it's _supposed to be." _

"_She sounds well crazy."_

"_I know! I told her that if Bart had wanted her he'd be back with her by now, it's not like we were together anymore but he was still trying to get back with me so obvs he's not interested." Jason flinched slightly but said nothing, Sinead noticed his reaction and continued filling him in. "So Maddie said that I'd burnt that bridge cause I'd rubbed his face in me and Gaz and then I was like well I wouldn't want to get back with him anyway cause I know I'm not what he wants." _

"_Huh? Err I think you are . . . He's been following you round like a disgusting puppy."_

"_Nah, it's like I said to Maddie, if Jasmine came back he'd drop her like that." she snapped her fingers to illustrate her point. Jason looked down at his feet. _

"_That's not true anymore." _

"_Yeah it is, I heard what he said to you in that cellar. You've been broken up for like a year and he still can't let you go!"_

"_Well, that doesn't really matter. It's like you said, It's Jasmine he wants and she's gone so that's that." he said forcefully before softening his tone slightly. "So what did she say after that?" Sinead squirmed slightly._

"_She said a whole lot of horrible things about you and stuff." Jason snorted and looked at her._

"_And you leapt to my defence yeah?"_

"_Well . . . Not quite . . ." Jason smiled and shook his head._

"_Wow, what a mess. What's so special about Bart anyway? He ain't that great." Sinead laughed and leant back on her palms. _

"_I know eh? What a day." Neither of them spoke for a few moments. "Now all I need to do is think of a way to get her back."_

"_Why don't you just leave it alone?"_

"_What? Did you not hear what I just said, she practically ruined my life! You wouldn't be saying that if you'd heard what she said about you . . ."_

"_Well maybe you should just tell Bart about everything she's done? Doubt he'd be impressed."_

"_No, no I want to find a way to make her feel humiliated like I do. How many people do you think know what she was doing to me?" Jason shrugged in response. "I bet she's going to make her move tonight, y'know, at the Halloween party." _

"_So why don't you go and pull Bart before she does? Job done."_

"_Nah, I said I don't want to get back with him." She paused and leant forward, resting her arms on her thighs. "The more I think about what I said to Maddie the more I know it's true."_

"_What's true?"_

"_That he'd rather have you." Jason started to shake his head. _

"_Look, I'm not interested in getting back involved in all this it's over and we're all moving on."_

"_But it's driving him nuts not being able to spend time with you anymore . . ."_

"_Oh how do you know Sinead?" Jason snapped._

"_Because he gets all grumpy and defensive whenever anyone mentions you and he's always staring . . ."_

"_Oh yeah, grumpiness, the sign of true love." Jason sneered sarcastically._

"_Well you just did it." Sinead retorted. _

"_Yeah well, that never stopped you when you were with him before."_

"_I know better now though. As you keep saying, I'm moving on, going to find me a nice new boy."_

"_Really?" Jason raised his eyebrows incredulously, suddenly becoming slightly suspicious of Sinead's sudden open and friendly attitude. _

_Look, I know we haven't gotten on well in the past, but I'm being serious here I'm sure it's you he wants and this" Sinead gestured up and down her body, "Doesn't come second best to anyone, especially a boy."_


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys, thank you for the reviews :-)) hope you like this chapter, let me know if you do . . . or even if you don't!

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><p>Jason didn't know what to say so he just cleared his throat awkwardly and looked at the ground, Sinead noticed his discomfort and changed the subject.<p>

"Now I just have to plot my revenge." she joked feebly.

"Do you really think Bart would actually go back to her?" Sinead shrugged,

"I don't know, I don't think I really care I just don't want her to win."

"Are you going to the party then?" Jason asked, causing Sinead to laugh helplessly.

"I was going to go with Maddie, what great night that would have been," she said sarcastically. "Are you?" Now it was Jason's turn to snort.

"What with all my mates?" he shook his head. The once again lapsed into silence for a few moments.

"Come with me!" Sinead blurted out impulsively.

"What?" Jason looked at him in surprise.

"Come on, there's no reason for us not to be mates now is there?"

"Well . . . No I suppose not."

"So come with me then."

"Uh Sinead listen, I don't want to come if you're going to make a scene and stuff."

"I won't, promise!" Jason stared at her for a minute and contemplated her invitation.

"Well . . . . Ok then."

"Great!" Sinead smiled at him, "What you going to dress up as?"

"Dunno, you?"

"Think I'm going to be a witch."

"Oooooh very original." Jason teased gently.

"Yeah alright, better than uhhh dunno."

"Ah I'll think of something."

"Well you don't have long . . ." she paused momentarily before squealing, "oh my god you should go as Jasmine!" Jason stared at her, aghast.

"What?" he hissed.

"Yeah because . . ."

"Did you just invite me so that I would dress up as a girl and what? Prove your point to Maddie? Humiliate me? Undo everything I've gone through this year?" He grabbed his bag and went to stand up but Sinead grabbed his leg.

"Jase no! I didn't mean it like that it just popped out." Jason stayed where he was, "Look I just thought, well I didn't think."

"I can't do it." he whispered.

"Well there's something I never thought I'd see!" They both looked round to see Tilly strolling towards them.

"Hey," they both greeted her.

"What are you doing?" she asked as she sat down on the wall next to Sinead.

"I'm trying to persuade Jase to come out tonight."

"Oh only cause you want me to dress up as a girl and . . ." Tilly gasped and clasped her hands together.

"Wow that's a great idea!" they both stared at her in surprise,

"You think so?" Jason asked incredulously.

"YES! What a great statement to make."

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"If you want I'll go as a man."

"Tilly . . ."

"No come on, I think it'll help people understand how you feel going in costume as girl." Jason snorted.

"I don't think other people see things as poetically as you, they'll probably just be like oh I thought that freak pretended to be a boy . . ."

"Oh come on people aren't as narrow minded as you think!" Tilly replied confidently. "Right Sinead?"

"Er yeah."

"Oh of course, cause you've always been sooo understanding!" Jason snapped at her.

"Oh come on Jase, my . . . Problem with you was never really about that."

"Go one, it'll be fun!" Tilly squeezed his arm encouragingly.

"No. No I can't, it would just be like taking a huge step back."

"Oh ok then." Tilly sighed.

"Well you'll still come though yeah?" Sinead asked while Jason stood up.

"Look, I'll think about it I'll need to find something to wear y'know."

"Alright, well let me know."

"Cool, yeah alright." Jason called over his shoulder as he walked away.

Jason was almost home when he caught sight of Maddie lurking about by the pond, she was blatantly staring at him with a slight smirk on her face.

"Hi." Jason said suspiciously.

"Hello."

"What?" he asked when she made no move or comment.

"Oh nothing, I was just thinking about something I heard about you today." she said and laughed nastily, "It was hilarious." Jason bristled and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really? Good for you." He replied and turned round to leave.

"Don't you want to know what it is?"

"Huh, no. People say hilarious things about me all the time, I've heard it all."

"Oh god you are soooo bitter. You know I don't know what Bart ever saw in you, you're not even a nice person."

"Well I could say the same about you."

"Oh Really?" Maddie took a few steps towards him, "Well I think that there are plenty of things Bart could still like about me sweetheart, not like you." she hissed in his face.

"Yeah? Well he's not exactly been falling over himself to get back with you has he? You just follow him round like a dog." he shook his head pityingly, "It's sad really." Now it was Maddie's turn to flinch slightly and step back.

"Who are you to call me pathetic? Look at you, what even are you? Running about wearing boys clothes and calling yourself a boy? You're never going to be normal are you? No one's ever going to want you you know, no matter what you think." Maddie spat at him, Jason smiled slightly.

"Wow very clever of you, never heard any of that before." he turned away from her. "Maybe if you weren't so insecure you wouldn't have to be such a bitch." Maddie reached out and grabbed his arms tightly, pulling him back.

"Oh I'm not insecure, I just know what I want and believe me, I'm not going to let anyone get in my way. Sinead reckons that you could get in my way although I cant imagine anything more laughable."

"Then why are you here?" Jason wrenched his arm out of her grip.

"I came to say that you're not welcome tonight, stay away no one wants you there."

"Ooooh I'm so gutted." Jason said sarcastically and finally walked away from her.

An hour later Jason knocked on Sinead's front door and waited nervously until she pulled it open.

"Jase!"

"Hey, so . . . Do you really think this will work then?"

"You're going to do it? Yeah it defs will!"

"Alright then, I'll do it." Sinead squealed and hugged him tightly. "What changed your mind?"

"I saw Maddie, she's just, god she's horrible." Sinead pulled him inside and shut the door.

"I know, she's a proper nut like who actually acts like that."

"Dunno." Jason shrugged and followed her through the living room.

"Well whatever, it doesn't matter really you're well going to get her back tonight, it's going to be great can't WAIT."

"Yeah." he replied as they climbed up the stairs.

"So . . . Do you want to choose something to wear first or will we do your make up?"

"whatever you think's best." He said and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Right well, Diane's out so I think first we should have a little drink yeah? Get the party started." Sinead grinned.

After a while, and a few more drinks, Sinead and Jason were sitting on the floor giggling.

"You know what Jase, you look right weird with all this make up on." she said as she put the finishing touches to the small flick of eyeliner which extended from his right eye.

"You know, it feels weird." he pulled a few faces, stretching his skin in various directions, "Feels heavy." Sinead snorted and sprayed vodka and coke all over his shirt.

"Babe, I hope that's not your pulling face or we're going to have a problem." she laughed as she ineffectually wiped the damp patches on his top.

"Hey, hey, hey excuse me I can be very attractive." he replied and pouted comically.

"Really."

"No!" he replied and they both collapsed into a fit of giggles again.

"Wow, I never thought I'd see you two getting on this well." Tilly appeared at the bedroom door dressed in an impressive Edward Scissorhands outfit. "Hope you don't mind I just l et myself in, I could hear you from the street!"

"You look fab!" Sinead gasped. "Absolutely going to show me up!"

"Yeah I'll be beating the ladies off with a stick in this sexy little number." Tilly laughed and dropped her bag on the floor before flopping down onto the bed."

"Well I think you look great! Wait here I'll go and get you a glass." Sinead jumped to her feet and scurried out of the room.

"Hey." Tilly nudged him gently with her foot. "You changed your mind then?"

"Yeah, why not eh?" he replied half heartedly.

"Jason, why are you and Sinead so friendly all of a sudden?"

"Hmmmmm?" he feigned ignorance and took a swig out of his glass.

"Oh come on, this morning you could barely look at each other and now you're absolute besties?"

"Ah well, we've both fallen out with someone today and suddenly we like each other a lot more." He grinned conspiratorially at her.

"Oh I see, the enemy of my enemy is my friend?"

"Yeah kind of."

"Oooooh I like it, it's like a plot, who is it?"

"Here we go." Sinead burst back into the room and set about pouring Tilly a drink, "Get that down you babes, we need to sort Jason out with something to wear."

"Cool, oh I brought it." Tilly reached into her hand bag and pulled out a plain black bra. "We thought you might need one, and well, Sinead's weren't going to fit." Tilly said awkwardly and held it out to him.

"Oh right, thanks." He replied and took it gingerly into his hands. The girls watched him as he fingered it slowly, examining it intently.

"You ok?"

"yeah, yeah I'm fine." he dropped it into his lap and smiled up at them.

"Great, well then let's find something for you put on . . . Unless you want to go in just that . . ." Sinead teased and raised an eyebrow provocatively.

"Ooooooh . .." Tilly joined in.

"Ha no, I think I'll need some kind of bottom at least." Jason laughed as Sinead started raking through her wardrobe.

After another hour of getting dressed, accompanied by several more drinks, they were finally just about ready. Jason pulled down the hem of the tiny pleather skirt Sinead had leant him, they'd gone for a kind of rock look which included a black lace vest over a dark purple cami.

"You look amazing!" Sinead exclaimed when he stepped back into the bedroom after changing in the bathroom. "Did you look at yourself?"

"No," he replied quietly."

"oooh well come over here, I've done a fantastic job to be honest." Sinead reached out and led him towards her full length mirror "Oh, I' need to find my camera." she suddenly said and started rummaging about in her drawers. Jason nervously stepped in front of the mirror and looked at himself for the first time. His face was covered in make up, big black lines around his eyes which made them look huge and deepened their shade of brown, while his lips shone with a deep red gloss. His could see his breasts again, forming a gently curve under his top while his long slender legs stretched out from under his skirt, he's shaved before coming over and it felt somewhat strange to once again have his skin feeling soft and smooth.

"Are you ok?" Tilly asked quietly from the bed, causing him to jump in surprise, he'd pretty much forgotten she was there.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." he tore himself away from the mirror and picked up his drink. It was already feeling a warm hazy feeling coming over him which was mixing with the surreal feeling of once again being dressed as a girl.

"You do look good." She said, looking at him up and down. "I would . . ." she smiled up at him. He laughed quietly and raised his glass.

"A few more of these and you never know . . ." he joked before lapsing back into silence.

"How does it fell?"

"Weird. Really weird." he took a sip and thought for a moment. "I mean, I never looked like this before when I was Jasmine, it's like looking at a whole new person and I don't know if that's making it easier or not." Tilly furrowed her brow and waited for him to continue, it didn't seem like he was quite finished. "I just." h paused again. "I'm just worried that I'm taking a huge step back doing this." Tilly stood up and walked towards him.

"How do you mean."

"It feels like people had just started to accept me, y'know, at least get used to me looking like me and I just think that suddenly dressing like a girl's going to confuse everything again I just think . . . Oh I don't know." he shrugged hopelessly and emptied his glass with one big gulp. "I'm just sure this is such a great idea anymore."

"Well, you don't have to do it, we'll find you something else to wear or we could just stay here if you want. No one's forcing you." Tilly said softly and squeezed his arm.

"Yeah I know. I'm fine I think it was just weird seeing," he gestured at himself, "I kind of want to see what happens. Maybe people won't even know it's me!"

"Well seriously, if I walked past you in the street I'd be like WOW that girl is well hot I wouldn't be thinking oh there's Jase.

"Ah see well then it'll be fine! Honestly I'm ok, it just feels a bit strange that's all." He shrugged and started to refill his glass.

"Found it!" Sinead swept back in brandishing her camera, she'd also found her witches' hat on the way. "Are yous ready to go then guys?" she asked and then caught sight of Jason's full glass. "Oh well ok then, if you're going to twist me arm we'll have one more . . ."

Soon they were strolling through the village towards Chez Chez with Jason walking in between his friends. Although the vodka had numbed some of the fear he felt he was nonetheless nervous as they passed people in the street. Every time someone looked at him he would quickly dart his eyes to the floor. He felt like he looked ridiculous. They reached the club and Sinead flirted shamelessly to get inside, the bouncer laughed along and lifted the barrier to let her through. Jason and Tilly went to follow her but the bouncer stuck his arm out in front of him.

"Hang on a minute, not very scary are you. There's a dress code you know."

"Oh come on!" Sinead started to protest but Jason interrupted.

"This," he again gestured up and down his body, "Is my worst nightmare, pretty scary for me."

"What?" the bouncer looked bemused but in the end laughed and shook his head, "Fair enough love, have a good night ladies." Jason flinched slightly at the girly references but simply smiled sweetly and went inside.

"Right come on then guys." Sinead confidently led them across the dance floor and towards the bar, "Let's see who's going to buy us a drink first eh?" she laughed.

They'd been leaning against the bar for a few minutes, waiting for service, when they heard a voice behind them.

"Tilly!" before they'd ha time to react Bart had pulled her into a quick hug. Jason felt a cold fear rush through his body and fixed his eyes on the bar.

"Hi Sinead," Bart greeted his ex somewhat awkwardly before turning to look at Jason's back. "Who's your friend?" Jason took a deep breath and slowly turned round.

"Hi." he said, watching as Bart's face dropped with shock. His eyes darted across Jason's face before hastily scanning his body too.

"Jas?"


	3. Chapter 3

Hiya, thanks again for your reviews, hope you like this chapter! xx

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><p>"Jas." Bart reached out and briefly touched Jason's side before quickly retracting it. "What are you doing?"<p>

"Dressing up." Jason shrugged. "It's Halloween."

"I just . . .. I don't understand." Bart continued running his eyes up and down Jason's body.

"Hey you." Maddie suddenly appeared and slung an arm around Bart's shoulder, "Well, is this your hideous Halloween costume Jason? Very . . . Disturbing." she raised an eyebrow and sneered.

"Well I think he looks fab." Sinead said as she handed Jason a drink.

"Of course _you _would." Jason squirmed as the two girls stared each other out while Bart continued to stand wordlessly. "Hey, come and see Jono and Neil, they've just got here" Maddie started trying to steer him away. "Bart!" she snapped when he didn't move.

"What?" he frowned.

"Come on." She grabbed his arm and started pulling him away.

"Right, right I'm coming . . ." he mumbled, still staring at Jason as he walked away.

"See, told ya." Sinead nudged him and laughed.

"Mmmmm." Jason grunted in reply and stared into his glass before taking a deep gulp.

Bart leant on against the railings and stared down on to the dance floor where Sinead and Jason were dancing. Well Sinead was dancing while Jason was sort of just kind of swaying awkward and occasionally glancing around self consciously.

"So" Bart jolted in surprise when Tilly pounced on his back. "Which one?"

"What?"

"Pretty Sinead or interesting Jason?" Bart laughed and turned to look at her.

"Interestin?"

"Yeah, I think he's . . . " Tilly paused and rested her head on his shoulder. "amazing really."

"I s'pose." Bart said thoughtfully. "Why is he dressed like that? After everything? I just don't get it."

"It's his costume, y'know, to show it was . . . Eh something. I had thoughts about it earlier, they were pretty profound too." She giggled as she turned and leant her back against the rail. "but I've had tooooo much vodka to be all phlilo, phisoloph, phlosi . . . Ah you know the word I mean."

"Right." Bart frowned at her. "That makes . . . Sense." he looked back down at the dancefloor. "He doesn't look like he's having a good time."

"Babe, you know if he's what you want you should just go for it, you shouldn't worry about what people think, like life is way too short."

"What?"

"Oh come on Bart I'm just sayin that . . ."

"Well don't alright." he snarled and walked away.

Before Bart had moved far he felt someone grab his arm and turned to see who it was. "Hey you, where you running off to?" Maddie purred in his ear.

"Oh, eh no where." he shrugged nonchalantly.

"Well then, maybe you should come and dance with me."

"Yeah alright." he replied as she took his hand and led him towards the dance floor.

"You seem really tense tonight babe." she said as she started swaying along with the music. "Is there something wrong?"

"Nah, I'm cool."

"Are you sure?" she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, "Maybe there's something I can do to make you feel better?" she whispered into his ear.

"Eh, no I said I'm fine." he frowned in confusion and stepped back slightly but she didn't loosen her grip.

"Are you sure?" she began to grind her hips against his.

"Maddie . . . What are you doing?" he gently disentangled himself from her hold, "We're just mates yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah I know but that doesn't mean we can't have some fun . . ." she raised an eyebrow seductively.

"Errrrr . . ." Bart rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I don't know if that's a great idea."

"Oh come on, we were good together once." she ran her hands up his sides before softly kissing the side of his lips. Bart felt his resolve weakening and moved his hands to her hips.

"Well, yeah I suppose we did." he smiled and began to lean in towards her but suddenly something caught his eye. In the corner of the floor he saw Jason leaning against the wall smiling and talking to a man. The strange man placed his hand against the wall beside Jason's head, moving even closer. Bart felt a knot form in his stomach as he watched them flirting.

"Bart?" Maddie turned to see what he was looking at. "Uh why are you staring at that freak?" she snapped and folded her arms.

"He's not a freak!" he scowled at her, "and I'm not staring."

"Yes you are!"

"Look, come on relax." he reached out and took hold of her again.

"Well stop looking at them and focus on us." she smiled, "I can give you much more than it can."

"It?"

"Him, her, whatever it is." Maddie elaborated and Bart rolled his eyes.

"You can't talk about him like that." he looked back up at Jason and froze. The guy had him pinned against the wall, one of his hands running up Jason's thigh as he tried to squirm out of his grip. Bart stepped round Maddie and started towards them.

"Hey, where are you going."

"I'll be back in a minute." he slid his arm out from her grip before striding towards them.

"Hey!" he grabbed the guy's shoulder and pulled him back.

"Oi!" the man growled, "What's your problem man?"

"Get off him."

"Him?" he glared.

"Her, get off her she don't want you mate."

"Who are you?" he poked a fat finger at Bart's shoulder.

"I'm her boyfriend, get off her." he reached out and grasped Jason's hand. The man looked at them,

"Well she never said nothing about a boyfriend, she must be missing out on something yeah?" he sneered.

"Whatever man, we're going." Bart pulled Jason towards him and led him towards the exit.

They burst out into the cold night air and descended the steps. Bart kept holding Jason's hand until they came to a stand still. "You alright?"

"Mmmm yeah." Jason sighed and rested her back against the cool brick wall. "I'd forgotten what it's like to be a girl. Men are . . . Not very nice." Bart smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, even you." Jason smiled and waved a finger unsteadily in his face. "I saw what you and Maddie were doing before you just ditched her."

"Ha! To come and rescue you from that guy!"

"Ahhh I didn't need rescued." he replied hazily.

"Fine suit yourself." Bart spun round but Jason grabbed his arm.

"Oh wait, wait I didn't mean it." Bart paused and frowned at him. "Thank you."

"No problem." there was a momentary silence while Jason closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Bart stared at him for a minute before asking, "Want to go back in?" Jason shook his head slowly.

"No" Jason opened his eyes and looked down at his clothes and pulled the hem of his skirt down.

"Jase, why are you dressed like that?" Jason shrugged.

"Dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time." he looked Bart up and down. "Why are you dressed like that? What are you, a general cloaked thing?"

"Hey I'm a vampire, look I have fangs in and everything." he opened his mouth and exposed his teeth,

"Hmmmm, you only have one left." Jason smiled and prodded the remaining plastic tooth gently, causing it to fall out. "Oh, ooooops now there's none left." he giggled and treied to straighten up but swayed vigorously until he leant back against the supportive wall.

"Jase, are you drunk?"

"Noooo, well . . . A little bit, it's made me feel fiiiiiiiiiine."

"Jase, what are you . . ."

"Look, go back in if you want." he interrupted.

"I can't just leave you out here like this, I'll walk you home ."

"Nooooo" Jason shook his head. "I can't go home like this." he hissed conspiratorially, "They'll go mad."

"Well, where are you going to stay tonight?"

"Sinead's."

"Don't think she's in any hurry to leave…"

"I'll wait here," he started to slide down the wall, "I'll just sit here." Bart laughed and took hold of his waist, keeping him still.

"You can't do that. Look, come and hang out with me until they're ready to leave."

"No, no it's fine you go back inside." Jason patted his shoulder.

"Nah, it's cool, kind of thinking Maddie's not such a great idea. I mean I broke up with her for a reason, probably should avoid her for a while."

"Mmmmm goood luck, she's pretty stalkery." Jason giggled and Bart shook his head.

"Yeah I guess a bit." he chuckled. "Come on."

"okay dokey" Jason straightened up and started to follow Bart. "Ooooops." He stumbled and clutched Bart's shoulder for balance.

"You are such a lightweight." he laughed and slid a steadying arm around Jason's waist as they walked down the road.

Bart closed his bedroom door and watched as Jason slid off his shoes.

"Better?" he asked and took a few steps towards his friend.

"Mmmmhmmm" Jason mumbled quietly.

"Do you want a glass of water or something?"

"No I'm fine." he replied dreamily.

"Are you ok?" Jason turned around and smiled up at him.

"Yeah." he replied while Bart studied his face closely. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm not . . ." Bart started to reply as Jason cocked his head to the side disbelievingly, "I, I, I don't know." Bart's voice dropped as he reached hesitantly out to brush a finger against Jason's cheek. Jason closed his eyes and turned until his nose was pressed against the rest of Bart's hand. Bart quickly dropped his hand, causing Jason's face to screw up in pain. They froze in a tense silence until Jason flicked his eyes open and fixed their deep brown depths on Bart. He felt them bore questioningly into his mind as he tried desperately to make sense of the emotions swirling around his brain. "I . . ." he opened his mouth again but before he could formulate a sentence he impulsively lunged forward and kissed Jason. Bart felt a cold fear rush through him as he waited for Jason to react. Finally after what seemed like ages he felt Jason's hands tentatively cup his cheeks as his warm lips began to react to his own. Relief washed over Bart as he slid his arms around Jason's waist and pulled him tighter, falling into the comfortable rhythm of their kiss. It just felt so right, just like he remembered, just how it should be. Soon Jason slid his hands down from his cheeks and around his neck, pulling him down further and deepening the kiss. Bart could feel his fingers stroking the back of his head and, lost in the moment, he began to let his own hand slide down over the curve of Jason's bum and graze the warm skin of his thigh. Suddenly Jason stiffened before struggling out of Bart's arms.

"Stop, stop get off me."

"Jase, what is it? What's wrong we were just . . ."

"Don't, I can't." Jason pushed him away and sank onto the bed, covering his face with his hands. "Not like this."

"Not like what? I don't understand what do you mean?"

"Like this." Jason repeated before removing his hands and looking up at him, "LOOK AT ME!" he shouted as tears began to well up in his eyes. "It's just not right, it's not right." sobs rippled through his body as Bart watched helplessly.

"I know," He moved towards the bed and sat down next to him, placing a hand on Jason's thigh, "I know this isn't you."

"Don't touch me." Jason shivered and pushed his hand off, sliding further along, practically cowering at the base of the bed.

"Jase, if it's so upsetting why did you dress up like this? You could have been anything."

"I just . . . Sinead and Tilly wanted me too so . . ." Bart snorted,

"When have you ever done anything because other people told you to? Why would that make you do this?"

"Because I'm lonely ok? They wanted me to come like this and I thought . . . I thought that if I helped Sinead get back at Maddie then maybe we could be friends again. I've tried so hard but I'm sick of having no one, there's only so many conversations I can have with Seth! I just need someone else to talk to sometimes." Jason blurted out and wiped his eyes roughly. Bart stared at him in stunned silence, he'd always thought Jason was more of a lone wolf type rather than someone who needed a pack.

"Oh." he started feebly before recalling part of Jason's out burst. "What do you mean, get back at Maddie?" Jason sniffed and pursed his lips.

"Nothing."

"Jase, tell me."

"Well . . .Maddie's been manipulating Sinead and Gaz you know, pushing Sinead into going out with him so that you two don't get back together so she can have you herself." He rattled out the start of the story before pausing for a breath, "So when Sinead found out she told Maddie that she would never be your first choice and that if you could have Jasmine you wouldn't even look at her so then she asked me if I would do this and I said no but then I met Maddie and she is just so horrible I decided to do it." he rushed through his explanation, looked up at Bart and added quietly, "and I wanted to see if it was true, and it is." Bart shook his head slowly once he had finished.

"I can't believe this." he sprung to his feet and glared at him, "You planned this to make me look stupid didn't you! What were yous going to do? Go back to Sinead's and have a big laugh about me? Or were you going to humiliate me in Chez Chez? Is that what you were going to do, so that everyone could point and laugh at Maddie too?"

"Oh yeah that's right, because kissing me is the most HUMILIATING thing you could do?"

"Oh don't try and act the victim here! How could you do this? I thought that we were . . ." Bart cut himself short and shook his head. "I can't believe you could do this."

"Bart!" Jason reached out and tried to catch his arm but he pulled it out of the way.

"Don't! Just go, you can go and tell Sinead how great everything went tonight!" He shouted furiously and stormed out of the room, leaving Jason crying on his bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey! Thanks for the reviews :-) almost too sad to write this chapter after tonight's wee episode (poss a bit rubbish because I'm all sad about it lol) ahhhh I was really hoping for an "actually Sinead's rubbish I really want you Jase" moment, still maybe tomorrow's won't go the way it's been suggested . . . maybe maybe maybe! xx**

* * *

><p>Bart returned to his room and stood watching Jason sob quietly. He sighed, walked over to the bed and sat down. Jason kept his head in his hands while Bart pulled a face wipe out of the packet he'd brought through.<p>

"Jase." He said softly but was ignored. "Jason." He tried again and this time Jason looked up. His mascara had run all over his face leaving black rivers coursing down his cheeks. Bart reached up and gently starting to brush them away before holding up the wipe for Jason to finish. "I thought you might want to take it off."

"Thanks." Jason sniffed.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok, you're right. I shouldn't have done this, I'm sorry."

"Do you want something to change into?"

"Yeah, please." Bart stood up and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of track suit bottoms from his wardrobe and handed them to Jason.

"Thanks." He took them and got to his feet, looking around the room.

"It's alright, I won't look." Bart sat back down on the bed and turned away while Jason changed. Neither of them spoke as Bart listened to the sound of Jason peeling off his costume. After a few minutes, and when he heard nothing more, Bart turned round and saw him blankly staring at himself in the mirror.

"Feel better?" Jason jumped and looked at him, smiling weakly.

"Yeah." he replied and started folding up the discarded clothes.

"You know, you wouldn't be lonely if you'd let me be your friend."

"Bart don't start."

"I just don't get how you can just decide not to . . . I mean you're the best mate I've ever had."

"Please, you know why it's too difficult for me."

"Yeah well it's difficult for me, not hanging out with you anymore."

"Bart, just leave it alright." Jason rubbed his face and sighed. "Why can't you just stop?"

"Why should I?" Bart leapt to his feet and squared up to Jason, "Why should I stop just cause you decide we can't be friends anymore? When you decide you're not going to be Jasmine anymore? When you . . ."

"I didn't _decide_ not to be her anymore I never was her!"

"Yeah well she felt real to me!"

"Look Bart I know . . ."

"Nah, nah wait a minute, you're always talking about you, how you feel it's like no one else matters you just change everything and we all have to go along with it . . ."

"You loved Jasmine, I understand that and I am sorry if . . ."

"No! No you don't know how I feel."

"Bart, look at what happened tonight, I dressed like her and it took you what, an hour, before you were all over me! I know you're angry but . . ."

"STOP SAYING YOU KNOW!" Bart turned away from him and shook his head, "You don't know anything." they stood in a charged silence for a few moments, until Jason whispered;

"So tell me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just . . ." Bart paused and sank down on the bed, staring at the floor. "I can't because I don't know how I feel, I just don't understand." He said helplessly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that sometimes, sometimes I think about Jasmine. A lot of the time I think about her." he stopped abruptly.

"And . . . What do you think?"

"I think about when I started loving her and then I wonder if I actually did." Bart's words sliced through Jason,

"Oh." was the only reply he could muster as he dropped down next to Bart.

"What I mean is . . . What I feel for you now is bigger. It's just, so much more. I don't know when it started, and that." he paused and sniffed, trying to hold back tears. "scares me."

"Bart ," Jason reached out and squeezed his thigh, just as a sob rippled through the other boy. Bart turned to look at him, wiping his eyes roughly.

I'm not gay." he stared into Jason's eyes, "I'm really not but I love you. It's like I love the person you are Jason, I can't help it." Jason sat in a stunned silence, trying to process what had just happened.

"I mean you are so strong, like coming out and stuff and you're amazing, I've never had anyone that believes in me and I . . ." but before Bart could finish what he was saying Jason lunged across and kissed him, pulling him close and wrapping both arms around his neck as they fell back onto the bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Later Bart was spooning Jason snugly as they lay in silence. Jason squirmed slightly and tried to sit up but Bart instantly tightened his grip.

"What are you doing?"

" I was going too put some clothes back on, I should probably get ready to head."

"No, wait just lie with me for a while first." Jason sighed and relented, lying back down next too him. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Jason replied instantly and stiffened slightly in his arms.

"Ok." Bart began to run his fingers up and down Jason's arm, tracing the faint ridges left on his skin by the cuts he had inflicted upon himself. His mind raced as he thought about Jason's pain, they'd gone way to far tonight, what if he freaked out again? Did he push too hard? They should have waited, why hadn't they waited?

"Stop it." Jason whispered into the darkness.

"Stop what?"

"You know what." He replied placing his hand on top of Bart's, stopping its gentle movements.

"Sorry, I'm just . . . Sorry." Jason smiled and squeezed his hand.

"What are you sorry for?" His question caught Bart off guard and he took a few moments to reply, struggling to find the right way to respond.

"I dunno . . . Maybe we shouldn't have done that, we should have waited a bit or something. I'm just . . ." Jason rolled onto his back, letting his legs dangle over Bart's thighs.

"It's alright, if I'd wanted you to stop I would have stopped you." He said softly, wrapping his hands around Bart's arm. Bart stared into his eyes for a few seconds before looking away.

"I just, after last time, I'm . . . I don't want the same thing to happen again."

"Last time was different." Jason said firmly.

"How?"

"Because," Jason paused and took a deep breath. "Because this time you know who I am, what I am and it's like you've accepted me but before it was all wrong. You didn't know me, I didn't really know me either, I hated how it felt everything was just . . . Wrong." Bart listened carefully and took a moment to consider what Jason had said.

"Soooo . . . How did feel this time?"

"Well, it still felt a bit strange because . . . well this isn't how I'm meant to be but it wasn't horrible." Bart couldn't stop himself snorting with laughter.

"Not horrible? Haha great thanks."

"Oh come on, you know what I mean. It felt nice to be with you like that though!" Jason laughed with him as he tried to backtrack.

"Not exactly a boost to my ego!"

"Well how did it feel to you?" Jason looked up at his face.

"For me? Great! Best ever."

"Oh really?" Jason raised an eyebrow incredulously at him.

"Yeah!" he replied and grinned but Jason continued to stare at him disbelievingly, "Well ok, maybe you don't have the best technique yet but y'know, practice makes perfect." he waggled his eyebrows suggestively causing Jason to smile before turning away to stare at the ceiling. "Seriously though." Bart's tone changed suddenly, becoming much more sombre. "It was different from every other time."

"Good different?" Jason tightened his grip on Bart's arm subconsciously.

"Yeah." Bart replied quietly, "It was like . . . I've never _felt _it like that before."

"Felt?" Jason looked him, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah like, normally it feels good and that but with you tonight it was . . . I dunno . . . it's like I love you and I could really," he sighed deeply, "I could really feel that when we were y'know." He stopped and shrugged in frustration. "uh come on, I don't know how to explain it, I'm not good at talking about it."

"Hey." Jason ran a finger along his jaw line, "I know what you mean, you are good at it, you've said all the right things tonight. Much better than me and it wasn't horrible. What I should have said was that it was special and great because it was with you." Bart smiled,

"So basically we agree that it was good?"

"Yeah, exactly." Jason smiled back before Bart leant over and swiftly kissed him.

"Good." The lapsed into silence as they settled back into the bed. Jason leant his forehead against Bart's chin and began to rub his thumb across Bart's bicep. After a while he said quietly;

"There is something I'm worried about though."

"What?"

"Well . . . What about tomorrow."

"What's happening tomorrow."

"No I mean, what about it, and the next day and the day after."

"Jase, what are you talking about?"

"I mean what if you wake up tomorrow and decide that you don't want me? What if you freak out again and say that I'm disgusting or that you love Jasmine and not me? Are we going to pretend this never happened? What about other people, how are you going to feel about them knowing? What about . . ."

"Woah, woah Jase, none of that's going to happen. It's different this time, I know I love you it's not Jasmine. I've never meant all the things I said about you before I was just confused, I couldn't accept how I felt and . . ."

"Yeah but will you be able to accept that tomorrow? It's fine here in secret in your own room but what about when it's not just the two of us?" Jason squeezed his arm tightly and stared straight up, avoiding meeting Bart's eyes. Bart let out a long sigh and nuzzled his face against Jason's hair.

"Look, I'm not gonna pretend that it'll be easy for me. I know that maybe I shouldn't be saying that but it's the truth it's going to be hard for me to suddenly say that me and you are together." Jason bit his lip and turned his head to face the wall. "Hey, hey wait I'm not finished. It's going to be hard for me to say that I have a . . ." he stopped and licked his lips, struggling to bring himself to say the next word. "boyfriend but it doesn't change anything else about me so why should people care?"

"But people do care Bart, that's the point that's why it's hard." Jason replied coldly.

"I know, I know but if I'm with you I can do it, I have to because I need you."

"Really? Do you really mean that?" Jason softened and rolled back over.

"I love you, I can't choose not to be with you just because I'm scared." he reached up and cupped Jason's face., rubbing his cheek softly with his thumb. Jason smiled broadly,

"I love you too."

"Good." Bart grinned and pulled him into a tight hug, "Are you just going to stay here tonight?"

"Well .. ."

"oh come on, would you rather go back to Sinead's?" Jason laughed and pushed him onto his back.

"Ha ok you've persuaded me!" settled down against Bart's chest.

"Thought I might be able to." He replied, slowly dragging his fingers up and down Jason's spine. A couple of minutes later Bart's phone beeped and he stretched his arm off the edge of the bed to retrieve it from his jeans' pocket. He opened the message and sighed deeply before quickly typing a reply and shoving it onto his bedside table.

"Who was that?"

"Jonno, says he's pulled." Bart answered shortly.

"Oh, ok. . ."

"Sorry, didn't mean to snap, he's just always claiming to pull when he blatantly hasn't."

"Awwww ok."

A while later Jason was listening to Bart's gentle snoring as he lay curled up against him. He was trying to sleep and part of him was completely exhausted but the other part of him was so wound up there was no way his body was going to succumb. He couldn't believe what had happened today, even when he decided to go along with Sinead's idea it hadn't even occurred to him for a second that he would end up lying here, feeling Bart's heart beat against his cheek. He was so contented and excited at the same time, he couldn't ever remember feeling this happy ever, ok so it wasn't going to be easy for them but at least they were going to be together properly. Jason lay imagining how their lives were going to change when he heard Bart's phone beep again, he ignored it but then it continued to beep at intervals. God he hated it when phones kept beeping until you opened the message. He reached over for it, intending to just open and close the text with out reading it but he couldn't resist when he saw that it was from jonno again.

"**Cool was worried there!" **Jason frowned, it didn't really sound like a response to Bart doubting he had pulled so he scrolled back to see what had been said earlier. Rather than bing about his own pulling Jonno's message had actually said; **"where r u man? Ms goin MAD did u really pull the tranny? LOL!"** Jason froze, why had Bart lied about the text? He started to panic, thinking he's been fooled again and tricked into believing that things were actually going to change. But maybe . . . Maybe Bart just hadn't want to hurt his feelings, maybe that's why he'd lied. He steeled himself to go into the sent messages to see what Bart had written back. He couldn't remember ever feeling so nervous, his palms were sweating and his heart racing, maybe he shouldn't look and just accept everything Bart had said tonight as being the truth. But he couldn't, he'd come this far. He had to know. He opened the message; **"Haha, nah mate, came home was all getting a bit weird there!" ** dropped the phone and gripped onto the duvet with tight fists, trying to control his emotions. Why did he always believe what Bart said? He always, always lies and yet Jason would still suck up every word with blind faith and hope. Nothing was going to change now, nothing would ever change.

"Oh god." he moaned quietly and hunched over his stomach, feeling as though someone had stabbed him right in its fleshy centre. Every other time he and Bart had had a fight or broken up had hurt but none had caused pain in any way comparable with this, it was excruciating. He slid off the bed and pulled on his clothes. He couldn't even face waking Bart up to tell him what a slimy, rotten, weak, pathetic thing he was. He had opened himself up to Bart tonight, more than ever before, and he had just been laughing at him the whole time.


End file.
